This weekend has been hell. I knew it would, I just didn't think it would be this bad. I spent most of Saturday night crying, alone, and wishing that I had never gone home for the weekend.
For the past 15 months or so, since my mum and step dad split, my mum has brought home countless men. I wouldn't mind this if it wasn't in front of my 6 year old brother who she hardly does anything with. It hurt so much in the beginning when I told her how I felt about her doing this and she accused me of not wanting her to be happy. At the time it was so far from the truth. Though now, if saying that makes her be an actual mother to my little bro, I would say it... that is if I could stand talking to her.
She asked myself and my sister home for the weekend. I can't say I wanted to, but it would be the last time I would go before lectures start. We were going out for a meal in a pub. After we got there and ordered our drinks, she fucked off to chat up some guy. Not saying more than two words to either of us. When we went upstairs to have our meal, she brought him up with her, not asking, nothing.
I walked out. She just pushed it too far.
I think I left any sort of love and respect for her in the pub that night. I was planning on grabbing my stuff from her house and then walking to the train station, regardless of the 3 hour wait I would have for a train. I just couldn't be there any more. My sister told me not to and that she would give me a life once they were done. I still don't know how she managed to sit there with her.
The next morning I had a message from my mum asking what had gotten into me the night before. No concern as to where I was or if I was safe, just what had gotten into me.
I haven't replied to any of her messages, or called when she has asked me to. I can't. She is even trying to get my sister to get me to call her. Does she not know that all this 'caring' behaviour is just adding salt to my wounds? It is too late for all that bull shit. Way too late.
Sunday morning I woke up numb. I guess I still am for the most part, though when she tried to contact me this morning, I cried. Not because of her, but because of my little brother. He means the world to me and I don't know how I am going to be able to see him without seeing her. I can't even stand the thought of talking to her, so you can probably guess that the thought of actually seeing her repulses me right now.
I guess in a way, I lost my mum a long time ago, it's only now that I am realising it. And to tell you the truth, it hurts like hell.
For the past 15 months or so, since my mum and step dad split, my mum has brought home countless men. I wouldn't mind this if it wasn't in front of my 6 year old brother who she hardly does anything with. It hurt so much in the beginning when I told her how I felt about her doing this and she accused me of not wanting her to be happy. At the time it was so far from the truth. Though now, if saying that makes her be an actual mother to my little bro, I would say it... that is if I could stand talking to her.
She asked myself and my sister home for the weekend. I can't say I wanted to, but it would be the last time I would go before lectures start. We were going out for a meal in a pub. After we got there and ordered our drinks, she fucked off to chat up some guy. Not saying more than two words to either of us. When we went upstairs to have our meal, she brought him up with her, not asking, nothing.
I walked out. She just pushed it too far.
I think I left any sort of love and respect for her in the pub that night. I was planning on grabbing my stuff from her house and then walking to the train station, regardless of the 3 hour wait I would have for a train. I just couldn't be there any more. My sister told me not to and that she would give me a life once they were done. I still don't know how she managed to sit there with her.
The next morning I had a message from my mum asking what had gotten into me the night before. No concern as to where I was or if I was safe, just what had gotten into me.
I haven't replied to any of her messages, or called when she has asked me to. I can't. She is even trying to get my sister to get me to call her. Does she not know that all this 'caring' behaviour is just adding salt to my wounds? It is too late for all that bull shit. Way too late.
Sunday morning I woke up numb. I guess I still am for the most part, though when she tried to contact me this morning, I cried. Not because of her, but because of my little brother. He means the world to me and I don't know how I am going to be able to see him without seeing her. I can't even stand the thought of talking to her, so you can probably guess that the thought of actually seeing her repulses me right now.
I guess in a way, I lost my mum a long time ago, it's only now that I am realising it. And to tell you the truth, it hurts like hell.
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