This Time Imperfect by AFI is the perfect expression of my thoughts right now. I have spent years trying to find a reason to stay in the UK, my destination changing every now and again, but now it is Canada. I still have no non-biological reason. But I was talking to my sister earlier and it is clear she doesn't want me to leave.
It got me thinking, do I really have what it takes up just pack up and leave?
I wish I knew the answer to that question.
I felt so much better when I was in Canada, my thoughts and depression pretty much left me alone. I didn't think that would ever happen. But even this gets me thinking. I'm going to be on my own out there, no dad or sister on the other end of the phone and only one, maybe two people I actually know.
I know nothing is set in stone yet, but I sort of feel like this is my last year here. So this Christmas will be the last I get to spend with family etc.
As much as I have my heart set on moving to Canada, I am desperate to find a reason to stay. I pretend I'm so independent, but I don't think I am. At the end of the day, all I want most is my family.
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