AFI This Time Imperfect [I Heard A Voice]

This is my mental state trying to fix itself. If anyone actually reads this, yes I am breaking down. I have spent the past hour crying and trying to convince my sister I'm not suicidal. I'm not. Honest. I promised some good friends years ago that I wouldn't do anything stupid, and I haven't since. That's not to say I don't want to though.

I have never been so repulsed by my own reflection. I honeslty hate my appearance to the extent that I have used two of my jackets to cover my mirror. I haven't been able to cover it completely, but enough that I don't have to see my fat form when I'm sat at my computer trying to work.

It's hard to think that I'm going to graduate soon. Well that's if I manage to finish all my work. And I have nothing to show for it. All this work, stres, and all I will have at the end of it is a piece of paper. What a waste of time and money.

In a way it is fine to say I have nothing to show for the past three years, but I have nothing to show for the 21 years I have been alive. I always seem to be second best to the mother I try my best to please, I have never been in a serious relationship, all my 'friends' are in different time zones and I simply have no life. No life what so ever.

Most of these 'friends' hardly talk to me. They show no concern for my problems or try to help. I wonder why I really bother. But I guess trying to make myself believe that they are really good friends is helping me think that I have something to believe in, something to stick around for.

I know some people may read this and think that I am ungreatful for what I have, but I'm not. I know people have it worse. A lot worse.