I wish people didn't have such high expectations of me. I know I have probably not done myself any favors by doing well in school, but there's nothing I can do about that now.
I know my family have always put pressure on me to do well, and I foolishly believed them when they said it didn't matter if I fail. I wish I could still believe that.
Yesterday I was talking to my dad about how little motivation I have for university, and if I hadn't wasted so much money on it, I would quit. In responce he told me not to quit and that if I didn't get the same degree as my sister he would be dissapointed in me. It has been quite some time since my dad has said something that has hurt me. And that hurt beyond belief.
For some reason, making my dad proud of me, especially after all he has done, is still so important to me. In a way I wish I could be as selfish and self-centered as my sister. That way his approval wouldn't mean so much to me.
I'm going to be disappointed in myself if I don't get the degree I want, I know that no matter what I do eventually get, I will still continue to think what I could have one better at or tried harder at to get a better degree.
Right now, I can't think of a single thing in my life that is going well. Once again I have allowed myself to start falling for a guy when I know all too well that nothing will ever happen. Though I still can't stop myself from hoping. I'm living in my head, in what ever make believe world I can imagine to try and not think about how lonely I feel. Right now, I honestly feel as though I could be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
Is there really any hope for people like me?
I know my family have always put pressure on me to do well, and I foolishly believed them when they said it didn't matter if I fail. I wish I could still believe that.
Yesterday I was talking to my dad about how little motivation I have for university, and if I hadn't wasted so much money on it, I would quit. In responce he told me not to quit and that if I didn't get the same degree as my sister he would be dissapointed in me. It has been quite some time since my dad has said something that has hurt me. And that hurt beyond belief.
For some reason, making my dad proud of me, especially after all he has done, is still so important to me. In a way I wish I could be as selfish and self-centered as my sister. That way his approval wouldn't mean so much to me.
I'm going to be disappointed in myself if I don't get the degree I want, I know that no matter what I do eventually get, I will still continue to think what I could have one better at or tried harder at to get a better degree.
Right now, I can't think of a single thing in my life that is going well. Once again I have allowed myself to start falling for a guy when I know all too well that nothing will ever happen. Though I still can't stop myself from hoping. I'm living in my head, in what ever make believe world I can imagine to try and not think about how lonely I feel. Right now, I honestly feel as though I could be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
Is there really any hope for people like me?
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